Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
