textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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