I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
