so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
