Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
