it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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