Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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