What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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