things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize