He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
