His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
