and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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