Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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