So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I color on your dick again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
