Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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