we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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