fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
