nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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