Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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