If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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