I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
