I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
