Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize