i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
