This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
