Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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