i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
