i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
