What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
