Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
