I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
