This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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