Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
