I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
