Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
