Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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