I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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