i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got her a Nickelback box set.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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