Swine flu. Run for my life!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
