Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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