I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize