So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
