After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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