i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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