I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
