Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
