she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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