Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love accidental penises.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
