bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
