Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
