he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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