so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
