i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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