instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
