I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
