My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
