You smell like stripper and shame
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
