I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
