woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
