I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
