Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
