I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
