I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
