True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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