I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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