Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
