My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
