a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
