Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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