I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
