why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
soo... how was my night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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