She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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