I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
