At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
