so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
