Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
