A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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