So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
