My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
