i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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