just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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