He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
