if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
