i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
