I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
