i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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