I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
